MJHS

My page hits have dropped precipitously. Is that because I'm boring? Or because I am a repugnant human train wreck? Does reading this blog make you feel squirmy? Lately, writing it makes me feel squirmy.

Ever since I wrote this post about the way I was feeling about Charlie, I have felt ashamed. Why do I care so much what other people think anyway? This blog is called Langer Loksh because of my physique, which is what people made fun of in junior high. Some older girl named Tracy Williams called me Big Bird because I was tall and scrawny and had big yellow hair. Samantha Howley called me Q-tip. Someone else spread rumors that I was anorexic. Then as now, I was not the type to laugh it off. It sounds silly, but it hurt.

It's time for me to graduate from junior high. I love Charlie like a momma grizzly. I wouldn't want any other baby, and I wouldn't want Charlie to be any different--he wouldn't be Charlie. I am so, so proud of my son. He brings me so much joy every day. He's so steady on his feet, I think he's going to walk before one. He lights up for his sister, his dad, his Jim, or the cat. He doesn't like baby food. He laughs out loud on the swings. When I'm with him, everything is reduced to its core. Yummy. Hot. Smelly. Windy. Funny. Peaceful.

I think I'm ready to just feel peaceful about Charlie's birth defects.

It may have been uncomfortable for you to read about all this. But I think blogging about it has helped me get here faster. So thank you for reading it. And please keep reading it.

Comments

[Laird Nelson]

I read it every single day and wouldn't miss it. Keep it up.

[Heather]

I read every day. Every weekday that is. Please don't tell my boss. Also, please do not stop, I would miss your posts very much.

Once you graduate from Junior High, please tell me your secret so I can someday graduate too.

[Jeff Z.]

Samantha Howley? You mean Angry Smurf? Like she could cast stones.
Keep it up, my friend - this is a world of good.

[sharon]

Please don't stop blogging. I check in ~2x per week. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are very brave, and from where I sit it seems you write what other people think but are afraid to say. Keep it up. You give me hope to think that someday I too could be a blogger. {{{hugs}}}

[Auntie Ellen]

When Charlie grows up and reads your blog he is going to be blown away by your love. Of course, it will not surprise him in the least because he will have felt it every day of his life anyway. Let's put things in perspective here.

[eve isk]

put things in perspective here.