Baggage

Why do they call it a diaper bag? I emptied my bag today and this is what was in it:

My wallet, phone, checkbook, Palm, camera, gloves, glasses, sunglasses, Charlie's sunglasses, four tampons, four lipsticks, one mascara, a barrette, five pens, six deposit envelopes, one tissue, one moist towelette, two tubes of hand cream, Purell, banana-scented hand wipes, regular diaper wipes, eight diapers, a changing pad, Desitin, two pairs of socks, two spoons, one jar of baby food, one package of fruit snacks, a banana, an energy bar, an almost empty bag of Cadbury mini eggs (I ate so many in one day that the skin began peeling off the roof of my mouth), four chocolate coins, a Ziploc of Wheat Thins, an empty Ziploc, two Table Toppers, a big plastic Cheerio filled with Gerber sweet potato puffs, a CD with pictures of Charlie's ears, a letter to the surgeon in California, a note from Jeff about the Amex bill, a scrap of paper with the phone number of a therapist and the following quote from Summer, regarding her difficulties at preschool: "I'm just so beautiful that all the kids want to play with me at the same time!", my Trader Joe's list, a wooden car, a plastic toy remote control, two pairs of Barbie shoes, a tiny purple unidentified Barbie object, a pacifier clip, a valentine, a button that fell off my pea coat, and three pirate eye patches.

Oh yeah did I mention I'm going to go to a therapist? I'm having this hair-trigger anger problem. I think it might be a stage-of-grief thing. First we had this baby and they told us he was really sick and we were scared--the word scared really just doesn't cut it, we were nearly speechless with pain. But then he wasn't sick, and we were so relieved--I remember the maternity nurses hugging me when I told them that Our Beloved Dr. Spiro said Charlie would be OK. And then we were a little sad anyway because he's going to have to go through some shit with his face and his ear, but we were sort of peaceful. It was like Jeff and I were two halves of a zipper and we pulled the metal tab and just sealed ourselves up tight. In a good way.

But now, well, now I pretty much rip Jeff's head off on a daily basis over pretty much nothing, and it's scaring us. I screamed at him so bad I made Summer cry, and that's when I decided I was totally on crack to think that the thing I should cut out to save a few bucks a month was yoga class (WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?), and that I also need some professional help.

This is a picture of Jeff going out to the car in the blizzard in his underpants with no shoes on. This happened because I was spewing out lava and he said he would do anything I asked from now on if I would stop being volcanic so I said "Anything? Fine, go out right now just like that and get Summer's snowpants out of the car," and he did it.

This is, of course, mortifying. Not for Jeff--he has great legs. For me! I'm so messed up! I'm posting about it because I need to put everything in the blog as it happens so I won't forget and I can some day make it into a book. This is an ugly, ugly chapter, but one that I clearly need to move through. 

Comments

[Allison]

Jill, so many things I could say to this posting! But for the sake of brevity I will say two things: 1) Hang in there, fabulous lady - it's a process! and 2) Maybe they should consider opening a Cadbury mini-egg rehab center?

[Meredith Knowles]

Who's Brevity?
1) This girl we knew growing up said she wrote to Cadbury and said one of their eggs tasted funny and they sent her a coupon for 2 of them. My sister wrote and said that she ate an egg that was so bad she had to go to the hospital. They didn't send any coupons. They sent their attorney. So, eat the rest before they go "bad."
2) If you didn't carry your camera with you at all times we wouldn't have such a fabulous visual of Jeff in his undies.
3) I quit my yoga class BECAUSE it totally stressed me out. She gave us HOMEWORK! If I had time to do yoga at HOME I wouldn't be paying for a class!
4) Next time I have three screaming kids yelling at me for attention I am going to comfort myself with, "I am just so beautiful that all of the kids want to play with me at the same time."

[Kit]

P.S. Could you fit your stroller in your 'diaper bag'?

[Alissa]

ok, I might need therapy now... there really ought to be a warning when there is a picture of ones brother is in their undies (fabulous visual!?!?!). Argh! My corneas!